I'm laying in your front yard are you home
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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