i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Only a mothe r could love this liver
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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