Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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