there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
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dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
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It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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