***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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