I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
