We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You took a bar mat shot.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
