i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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