i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize