Yo dont text me then not text me
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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