it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
