Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
