Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
