I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize