The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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