best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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