Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
