i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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