oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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