Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
