There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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