now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
