u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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