the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
