so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
