the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
