Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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