so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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