i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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