You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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