I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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