Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
