When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
