I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize