I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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