As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
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Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
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This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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