office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize
