Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
