He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
