I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
