a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
