I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Randomize
