She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
