Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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