dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
