Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
