my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
