Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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