Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
