The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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