I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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