yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
