It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
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Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
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You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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