its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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