I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
