Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
