pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
And then he peed in my hair
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