Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
A bitchslap is in order.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
