i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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