Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
