Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
