i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
