so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
