you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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