I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
