Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
