Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
