i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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