Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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