a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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