none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
