Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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