Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
