I accidentally burped into my bong.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
