i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
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