She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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