I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
