people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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