I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
